


5AM

by Cchambers



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, I am so mean, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Post-Break Up, coliver - Freeform, htgawm season 3, i posted this on tumblr and it did pretty well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10081955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cchambers/pseuds/Cchambers
Summary: "We've got work in the morningBut it's nearly 5 AMIs this really what we envisioned?"Connor can't fall asleep when Oliver's not there.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really, really enjoy writing sad things. Thanks for reading!

He hasn’t been able to sleep since the breakup.

The bed isn’t the same without him. It’s too empty, too depressing, as if it’s a hole, sucking Connor in to memories, memories of how he felt when he was holding him, how his skin felt, how he tasted, how he smiled in the morning when he caught Connor staring.

He doesn’t even know the name of the guy sleeping beside him, back turned to him. Connor doesn’t care, because he’s not going to call him anyway, he hasn’t called anyone. It’s not what he does.

Sex is a way of coping, a way of trying to fill the hole. It never did.

He wants to go home; home is the apartment, Oliver’s apartment. It’s a war zone now, a silent, deadly war, where the only conversations are over who has the tv or which side of the fridge they get. It’s not his home.

It never was.

Oliver was home, the salvation in the hell Connor had bestowed upon him when he walked into Criminal Law.

Maybe it was what tore his home to shambles, maybe it was what drew them apart. He realized early on he couldn’t blame Annalise for this: it was him. Oliver lying to him was taken so well it was unnatural, unhealthy. He knew that.

Connor also realized Oliver was not to blame; but it still hurt, and the words played over in his head like a broken record. Yet he didn’t want it to stop.

_“I love you, I love you so much.”_

This was Connor’s mantra, what kept him holding on to the ever weakening string of his sanity. They were going to get through this, he loved him.

Connor turns his head to the nightstand as his phone blinks.

His lockscreen is still him and Oliver; he’s not changing it anytime soon. The damn device is reminding Connor of the unopened text from him.

_“Spending the night at Russell’s.”_

They’re more than just friends.

Oliver won’t tell him this, and it hurts. They told each other everything- no, he lied, that’s why they broke up. Connor lied and Oliver lied and-

Love isn’t built on lies.

Everything Connor knows has built on lies: his drug addiction, his crimes, his secrets, his friends. Lies  are what Connor knows, lying is what he does.

Connor’s tried to not think about Russell, not think about how quickly he and Oliver clicked. Not think about how Oliver smiled with him. Connor loves his smile.

It’s too late to call.

Oliver doesn’t want to talk to him.

Oliver isn’t his, not anymore.

Oliver loves him.

It’s mixed emotions.

“Connor?” Oliver is still asleep on the other line, and Connor’s stomach turns as he pictures him shirtless, laying beside Russell. But he’s happy, right? Oliver deserves to be happy.

“Connor.” he says again.

He doesn’t say anything. He just wants to hear Oliver’s voice, late at night, whispering. It reminds him of what he’s lost, what he loves, what he needs.

Connor hangs up first.

Oliver isn’t his. Oliver-

He hasn’t been able to sleep since the breakup.


End file.
